Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
