she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
