the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
soo... how was my night?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
