Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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