I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
