plz talk dirty to me
i don't like sucking hair
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
