I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
