You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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