I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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