Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
