so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
