I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
