I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
