I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
