my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My ass is underappreciated
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
