You're my little dorito
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
