There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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