his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I believe in your delicious
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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