Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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