Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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