Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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