pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
