i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
