We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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