Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
