So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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