She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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