my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
