They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
