so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
