i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
