okay pat passed out under dana's car
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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