Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
