My hair reeks of homosexuality.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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