Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
