How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
