Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
