either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
