Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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