How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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