yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
