so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
