you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
