my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
