When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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