Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
