When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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