Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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