just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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