I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm at about main and main street
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
