i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
