If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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