i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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